swarnpert

*sneezes and shoots my butt plug out of my ass at 55 mph towards my next victim*

angelbabyspice

novitiate2017

if the whole of the entertainment industry has to fall apart in order to punish sexual abusers then let it happen

Source: novitiate2017

medusabraids

toritheestallion

me at Olive Garden at 11:02 am staring down the elderly people impatiently waiting outside knowing we should’ve opened 2 minutes ago but my boss is in the back cheating on his wife with the girl who makes the salads and he has the key to unlock the doors

Source: toritheestallion

missivesfromghosts

graendaal

Your top didn’t top you, you bottomed your top. Use language of empowerment sisters!

missivesfromghosts

Y’all… I don’t need to be empowered, I need to be fucked

Source: graendaal ME

lovestruckthot

v-diggety

did U GUYS KNOW, that the way stores get the balloons off of the ceiling is with ANOTHER balloon, w tape on the top??? and they just dont cut the string so it’s like super long and u gotta aim it right n reel it in. i just found that out today when i DID IT and it’s been the best working day of my life i had a blast blowing up balloons and fetching some off the ceiling. i had so much power? and NO ONE ELSE in my department likes that job so now it’s MY job when need be

goddamnshinyrock

omg so I work at a museum and one of our buildings has a) very high ceilings and b) a bizarrely sensitive alarm system that will go off if anything touches the ceiling. Because of this, helium balloons are considered public enemy #1 and are strictly forbidden from entering the museum. But just in case an illicit balloon is successfully smuggled in, the museum has acquired a fucking b.b. gun for the express purpose of shooting down rogue balloons.